Baby Drama

So Charles and I went to our first OB appointment. This is where you give a ton of blood and the doctor listens to the babies heartbeat. When we went 4 years ago for Cassie, it was a very easy appointment. Oh not this time. Everything was great until we listened for the heartbeat. The doctor could not find the heartbeat. He did say my uterus was tilted down so it maybe harder but then he called for the portable ultrasound machine. Then for I swear 2 minutes, he did not say a word while he was putting the wand on my stomach. Charles and I literally thought the worse. Finally he said, well there the baby is, it just won't quit moving. Oh the relief we both felt was big. The doctor could never get a good reading on the heartbeat because he couldn't get the baby to stay still long enough. All I can think is great, the baby already has ADHD. He did show us the sonogram and man was the baby hyper. I swear I only drank water that day.

So everyone keeps telling us we are having a boy. Well we can't find out until the end of February. Well I bought this test at Target called Intelligender. Here is the website for the test. It is just for fun and not suppose to be used as a real test but they do say it is 80% accurate. So I bought it. It says we are going to have a boy so I guess we will see if it is true or not.

Christmas

We had a wonderful Christmas. Very low key and unstressful. The only stressful part was cooking at my dad's. He has one oven and everything we cook needs to cook in the oven. I am sorry I don't ever have pictures on here. I am so bad at taking pictures and right now I have no idea where are digital camera is. Since we are getting rid of the computer room to make room for the baby, Charles is going through it slowly to get rid of stuff. I feel bad because he loves his computer room but it was his idea. He wants to get rid of clutter.

So I think we both want a boy but at least for me, I will be happy as long as the baby is healthy. I have gotten bigger much faster with this one which I have heard happens after your first one. Man have a been sick. I have not thrown up but my stomach is constantly upset. Charles made an egg dish last night and on the first bite I nearly threw up. Eggs are not my friend right now. Thursday night we are having a date night, dinner and a movie because Cassie is spending the night with my mom. We may even sleep till 7:30 am on Friday. We aren't doing anything for New Years because I will not be able to stay up past midnight and we still have to be up early with Cassie the next day. Life is going well right now. My first OB appointment is today and we will get to hear the heartbeat!

God's timing

So this post will nearly sound like my sister-in-laws last post but she did say it best. Since before Thanksgiving, I have not felt well. Very tired and cranky and not myself. Just to break the news, Charles and I finally figured out I was pregnant. Man I did not want to take that test. I put it off till I couldn't anymore. Well it came up positive. At first both Charles and I were a little upset. We didn't feel like we were ready for another one, we are still working on us and you always hear of those couples that think having a baby will fix everything. Well after much discussion, we decided we can't change the facts so we are going to both be happy about this. We are in a much better place than we were when we had Cassie. Even emotionally we are in a better place because we are still working on us. Financially we are in a better place, we aren't living with parents, we have our own house and room to add another child. Poor Charles is giving up his computer room but since he watched Hoarders on TV he is all about getting rid of stuff. We are actually excited. My first OB appointment is January 28th.

This pregnancy is already completely different than the first. I am constantly hungry, like get up at 3am to eat cereal hungry. If I don't eat when I am hungry, then I get sick. I don't remember being this tired and I can't brush my teeth without wanting to throw up. I have pretty much given up soft drinks because they don't taste right to me and I drink a ton of water because it makes me feel better. I think I am eating better because Charles is feeding me. Charles and I have already been discussing names and man this child is screwed because we do not like the names the other throws out. It will probably be easier once we know the sex of the baby or maybe it will be harder.

So that is what is going on now. Wish us luck.

Better

So a good friend of mine who I have not talked to in forever read my blog and called me to see how I was. Since I have not posted how life is right now, she was concerned. On November 12th, Cassie and I moved back in with Charles. It hasn't been easy but it has been better. I think we are still walking on eggshells around each other but we are also talking more. It has been hard letting him be the man of the household since I have been doing it for so long but it also been good because he helps out more around the house. It never bothered me to clean everything because he works more than I but it has also made me feel guilty if he cleans the kitchen because I feel lazy. These are just things I need to get use to. He felt useless around me because I did everything and now I am trying to include him in everything. Like on Sunday, we went together and bought all of Cassie's birthday party stuff and usually I do that on my own because I didn't think he wanted to. So life is getting better a day at a time.

Fixing Yourself

So I have been seeing a counselor and the things I have discovered about myself is scary. There is something that happened in 9th grade that has defined who I am since that time. It wasn't anything traumatic but it was life defining in my case. This is now something I have to work through and in my own words, get over. There was no reason why this moment should have defined me like it has. I wasn't thrilled about going to counseling but I knew I had to if I was going to help fix my marriage. Counseling is hard but it is worth it. I have learned so much stuff about myself in these few sessions. If you have some things in your life that you don't understand, counseling has really helped me.

Wrong

Everything I do lately is wrong. I started going to a counselor to help figure out me. She was hard on me but that is what I needed. Well in this, I decided I needed to wait to move back in with Charles till I figured out some stuff with me. He didn't like that answer so I guess I am not moving back in. We are both tired of fighting. So to keep from fighting, Charles thinks we just need to quit. I don't agree but I will abide by what he wants. This post is nothing against Charles, it is just the facts. He needs actions and I need words so I guess we are too different to work on us. I will figure out my life after Christmas because right now I just want to lay in bed and sleep till everything is over.

Land of Confusion

Charles and I keep going back and forth on if we work on our marriage or just let it go. We both are afraid to go back. What is the other hurts me again is both of our thoughts. Well we finally decided that Cassie and I are going to move back in. We hired a mover to move Cassie's and my stuff back in. I thought this would be a great time to go through everything and have a garage sell but Charles said we have too much going on with us and we need to focus on that instead of purging and selling things. So in the spirit of listening to what my husband wants, I agreed. It is so hard because I am so used to doing things my way and that is one of the many things that is driving us apart. So I am going to start really listening to Charles and not just pick out things I want to hear. We both are going to try and really be in tune with what the other wants and not just what we want. I hope this is a new beginning for us and in a year from now we will come out a stronger and more loving couple. It will be interesting to see where Charles and I are in a year. Hopefully together!