Better

So a good friend of mine who I have not talked to in forever read my blog and called me to see how I was. Since I have not posted how life is right now, she was concerned. On November 12th, Cassie and I moved back in with Charles. It hasn't been easy but it has been better. I think we are still walking on eggshells around each other but we are also talking more. It has been hard letting him be the man of the household since I have been doing it for so long but it also been good because he helps out more around the house. It never bothered me to clean everything because he works more than I but it has also made me feel guilty if he cleans the kitchen because I feel lazy. These are just things I need to get use to. He felt useless around me because I did everything and now I am trying to include him in everything. Like on Sunday, we went together and bought all of Cassie's birthday party stuff and usually I do that on my own because I didn't think he wanted to. So life is getting better a day at a time.

Fixing Yourself

So I have been seeing a counselor and the things I have discovered about myself is scary. There is something that happened in 9th grade that has defined who I am since that time. It wasn't anything traumatic but it was life defining in my case. This is now something I have to work through and in my own words, get over. There was no reason why this moment should have defined me like it has. I wasn't thrilled about going to counseling but I knew I had to if I was going to help fix my marriage. Counseling is hard but it is worth it. I have learned so much stuff about myself in these few sessions. If you have some things in your life that you don't understand, counseling has really helped me.

Wrong

Everything I do lately is wrong. I started going to a counselor to help figure out me. She was hard on me but that is what I needed. Well in this, I decided I needed to wait to move back in with Charles till I figured out some stuff with me. He didn't like that answer so I guess I am not moving back in. We are both tired of fighting. So to keep from fighting, Charles thinks we just need to quit. I don't agree but I will abide by what he wants. This post is nothing against Charles, it is just the facts. He needs actions and I need words so I guess we are too different to work on us. I will figure out my life after Christmas because right now I just want to lay in bed and sleep till everything is over.