Hall Closet

A couple of weeks ago, my mom's church had a woman's retreat and the topic was Christ Heart Home. My room was the hall closet. The speech I wrote is all God. He wrote the whole thing. Once I sat down and wrote it, the words just came pouring out. God is so good because while I am proud of the speech, God wrote it, I just delivered it. Now warning, it is long because it is a 15 minute speech. I may not be thrilled with what is going on in my life right now, but I trust God to get me through it.

Good afternoon! My room in the home is the hall closet. The definition of the word closet is, “a small room, enclosed recess for storing clothing, food, utensils, etc” “a small private room” “a state or condition of secrecy or carefully guarded privacy.” As you can see from these definitions, there are different types of closets but they all have the same meaning, to hide things. Now when I say hide things, not all hidden things are bad. The reason houses have closets is so when guest come, they don’t see all your clothes or towels all over the house, but in the same sense we tend to put things in closets we don’t want others to see. No one wants someone coming into their house and going through their closets. If you invited Jesus into your house today, would you be okay with him going through your closet? Do you have stuff hidden in the closet of your heart that you don’t want to take out or deal with?

If you received Jesus in your heart, no matter your age or mind frame, you were forgiven of all past sins. Romans 3:23-25 says, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished. Many of us hold on to sin, thinking, my sin is too bad or even some thinking, oh I don’t want to bother God with this little sin. Some sins seem bigger than others because their obvious consequences are much more serious. Murder, for example, seems to us to be worse than stealing, and adultery seems worse than pride. In societies eyes, murder is worse than stealing but in God’s eyes, all sin is equal. In the same token though, all sin is forgiven through Christ. God declares that we, in we I mean Believers, are righteous. The definition of righteous is acting in accord with divine or moral law: free from guilt or sin. When a judge in a court of law declares the defendant not guilty, all the charges are removed from his record. Legally, it is as if the person had never been accused. When God forgives our sins, our record is wiped clean. From his perspective, it is as though we had never sinned. Why did He do this? John 3:16, For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. If you grew up in church, you know that verse better than any verse in the Bible, why, because it is so important. If you have asked Christ into your heart, you will live eternally with God in heaven. Having said all this, why do we still hold onto sin? If God forgives all of our sin, why do we still hold on or dwell on it. Are we ashamed? No matter what sin or what pain there might be in the past, Christ is ready to forgive, to heal and to make whole.

Now back to the house scenario that we have used this weekend. In our real life, our hall closets hold, towels, extra sheets, toilet paper, everyday use items. Okay funny story time about towels. Since my mom “made” me speak this weekend, it is a funny story on her. My mom loves to have her aunts come visit her. My papa will usually bring 3, 4 or even 5 aunts down at a time for a visit. Well one-year mom decided that she needed new towels, the ones that she had were falling apart. So she went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and spent money on new, good, thick towels for the aunts to use while visiting. Well when mom went into the guest bathroom to make sure there was enough toilet paper, Kleenex, she saw one of the old towels hanging up to dry. She then asked one of the aunts, why are you using these ratty towels, and her answer was, well I didn’t want to use the nice towels that were in there, they were just so nice. Now my question is, why did my mom keep the old towels? Now the same question but to you and replace towels with sin, why do we keep holding onto old sin? The story in the book that was our guidance was really speaking about our old life, our life before we accepted Christ in our hearts but I think it can apply to sin we have committed since being children of God. Psalms 103:3, “He forgives ALL my sins.”

The two worst words that can ever be put together is “What if.” What if I hadn’t snuck out of my house, I wouldn’t be grounded. What if I had just called a taxi instead of driving, I wouldn’t be sitting in jail facing manslaughter charges. Now those are two different extremes but you will notice the second part of those two questions are the hating of the consequences of those actions. Yes God forgives all our sins, but we also must accept the punishment that happens when we sin. Lamentations 3:39-40, Why should any living man complain when punished for his sins? Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord. Parents discipline children to produce right behavior. When mom and I were at the fair last weekend, there was a child throwing a fit and not one of his parents corrected his attitude. I said to mom, if that was Cassie, she would have gotten her butt whooped and we would have gone home. Everyone says, you know what is wrong with society today….? Why are we such experts on other peoples behavior, and I am right up there with everyone, but we don’t deal with our own sin. When Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, and God had to punish them, one of the punishments was that everyone would be born with a sinful nature. Romans 5:18, now I want to read this from the New Living Translation “Yes, Adam’s one sin brings condemnation for everyone, but Christ’s one act of righteousness brings a right relationship with God and a new life for everyone.” One of the sermons that was preached at my church was since God forgives all of our sins, why can’t we just sin as much as we want? To answer this question, lets turn to Romans 6:1-2, What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? 6-7 For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. 11-14 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness. For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace.

God’s forgiveness does not make sin less serious; his Son’s death for sin shows us the dreadful seriousness of sin. Jesus paid with his life so we could be forgiven. Just because God makes his mercy available to us, that should not be an excuse for careless living. The body of sin, in verse 6, died with Christ on the cross. The words body of sin in the New Living Translation is the power of sin. The power of sin again refers to our rebellious sin-loving nature inherited from Adam. Though we often willingly cooperate with our sinful nature, it is not us but the sin in us that is evil. In verse 6 & 7 Paul emphasizes that we need no longer live under sin’s power. God does not take us out of the world or make us robots-we will still feel like sinning, and sometimes we will sin. The difference is that before we were saved we were slaves to our sinful nature, but now we can choose to live for Christ. Turn to Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. In verse 12 back in Romans 6, it says do not let sin rule your life. How can we keep this command to not let sin control the way we live, to not give in to its desires? Now before you think I am all knowing and I know everything to do, remember, I have found these and I think they would be helpful. These are suggestions, not commands! Here are a few steps I have read in researching for this talk. 1) Identify our personal weakness, mine is shopping 2) Recognize the things that tempt us, Chick-fil-a, I know a Godly man runs it but those nuggets are from the devil and they always tempt me 3) Stay Away from sources of temptation, this one is hard for me because Chick-fil-a is across the street from Cassie’s school 4) Practice self-restraint, 5) Consciously invest our times in good habits and service, when I am in Bible study, I just feel better and 6) Lean on God’s strength and grace. The big one for me is practice self-restraint. Now how do we get rid of this sin we are holding on to. We need to let God clean out that closet. We need to let him "throw everything away." Once you let go, your life will be fresh again.

The Beth Moore study I am doing talks about doing this and it has been the best thing for me. I could not get through this awful period in my life without God.

Sorry

I deleted my last 3 posts because I realize that I wrote them out of pride. God is really working in me right now and pride is a big thing I have to try to get over. So the facts, I am getting a divorce. That is all.

I am doing this Bible study by Beth Moore called Breaking Free. It is so awesome how God brings these Bible studies in my life. I have so many sins that I needs to break from and give them to God and then let them go. I wrote a speech about letting sin go. I will add the verses into it and post it, it is long, but God wrote it, not me. When I read it, I think, God is all over this speech. I am very proud of it. I will try to do that tomorrow.

In conclusion, please keep praying.

House Selling Whoas

So the realtor called us about maybe coming down a little bit on the house, like a couple of thousand. I thought, OK fine, if it means selling the house. Well Charles and I went to lunch, because there is no child at lunch and we can actually have a conversation. Charles thought, how is coming down a couple of thousand going to make it sell. If people were coming into the house and saying, well I like it but it is a little high, then that would make sense, but we aren't even having people come look at it. So after much discussion, we decided to keep the price as is. If it doesn't sell by Thanksgiving then it comes off the market and we will try again later. The realtor said it is taking houses about 4 months to sell and ours has been up for 1 1/2 months. Plus, I looked online and the houses we want in our price range are slim pickings. There are a bunch in Midland, which is funny because I had just resigned myself that we were staying in Odessa. Well God knows what He is doing so I will just go with the flow. Once I am done with my speech for Saturday I will post it because I am a little proud of it.

Birthday

So my birthday is tomorrow and unless you live under a rock, you know what day that is. I use to love my birthday, birthday's are very special in my family, but 9 years ago, some stupid overzealous terrorist ruined that day for me. It really isn't that bad, I don't turn on the TV or get online for the whole day. Not even on Facebook because all people comment all day is remember what today is. While I don't think we should forget and a terrible tragedy did happen, I would like to have a happy birthday. When I go to the airport, every security person looks at my license and says, "Do you know when your birthday is?" or my favorite, "Man, your birthday sucks." My thanks, it is always nice to hear that. One guy asked if that was really my birthday, I looked at him and said no, I was thinking what would be a sucky day to have a birthday and that date popped in my mind. I wish people thought before they spoke. It has gotten better over the years but that first year I hated telling people my birthday because they would give me this "I am so sorry look." Tomorrow is Saturday at least and I mostly don't get online or watch live TV on Saturday's. The wonderful thing is my daughter has no idea that 9/11 is a bad day and she is so excited about my birthday. She makes the day happy again.

While I know that this post seems selfish when so many lost their lives, this is my blog and I can be as selfish as I want. The day is a sad day and one that needs to be remembered, but I will remember it on the other 364 days of the year.

Other's Blogs

Sometimes when I am bored I will look at other peoples blogs. It is fun reading about other peoples lives. I have noticed many blogs are of people with growing families and others are just random thoughts. They are all fun to read, but the problem is then you read peoples blogs who have either had a hard time conceiving or have lost a child. Those hurt me so much. I usually end up crying while reading those. The raw pain coming from them is so hard to read. I can't imagine the pain of either not being able to conceive or losing a child. The thought of Cassie not in my life hurts. The thought of never having the experience of carrying Cassie hurts me because it was the best feeling in the world. The thought of having a miscarriage breaks my heart.

I realize how easy my life has been. I grew up with 2 wonderful loving parents in a Godly household where we ate dinner every night at a table together. My parents came to every activity that I or my brother had. Yes my brother has Down Syndrome but he had none of the heart defects that most Down Syndrome kids are born with. There is no cancer in my family, no sudden tragic loses, my grandfather passed away from complications of a stroke, but that was technically his fault, he didn't take care of himself. The rest of my grandparents are very healthy and I still have both of my parents. Life has been good to me. I did not have a hard time conceiving, we actually weren't even trying (did you know you have to take birth control pills everyday? Who knew.) Had a uncomplicated easy pregnancy with a fairly easy, less than 12 hour of labor. Cassie was born healthy and perfect.

God has been so good to me and my family. It is one of those things that I feel like I need to knock on wood. I have to remember how easy my life has been because some days I am just so stressed, I think, why me. That is so selfish. My life is good. I have a husband who loves me, a beautiful child with no health issues, a wonderful job that I adore, a house, a car and very little money worries. I have to constantly remind myself that God is good and praise him for all that he has given me. I think, at least in my life, that we pray to God when we need to, something is going wrong in my life and I need God's help. Do I pray everyday thanking him for all he has given to me? Someone once told me, when she had trouble sleeping, instead of just laying there, she would just start praying. I have been working on that because I keep waking up very early in the morning. Maybe God is waking me up so that I can just pray.

Thank you for reading my rant and remember, thank God for everything you have in your life because you never know in a blink of an eye, it may be gone.

Vegas Baby!!

This is the hotel we stay at: Planet Hollywood.

Yeah we made it to Vegas!!! We were so excited we took a picture in the elevator!!

This was the mall inside the hotel, the ceiling looks like we are really outside.

This is what a $94 dollar 40 oz steak looks like. It was the best thing I have ever eaten. Charles and I shared it, but I ate my fair share.

We went for Charles to go to a knife show. This is was in his pockets after the show.

The fountains at the Bellagio, I want to stay here is we ever go again.

Vegas was fun and relaxing but very expensive. Charles and I got two drinks one night before heading up to the room and it was $27 and the drinks were in plastic cups. The food was expensive, tickets were expensive, especially when you missed the show. I can't believe I looked at our tickets wrong and thought they said Saturday. On no, they said Friday. Another bad thing, you lose track of time, I had no idea what day it was. The most wonderful place was the Earl of Sandwich. I ate there 4 times. Got the same sandwich 3 times. Tried to lay out by the pool but they had the hip hop music so loud that I could not even concentrate on my book. It was a great experience and everyone should try it once but I am not sure if we are going to go back.

Pedicure then Vegas

So today after work I will be going to get a pedicure. Since I will be barefoot a lot while in Vegas, I would like my feet to not look like a trucker's feet. Oh I can't wait for tomorrow. Hopefully Charles will get out of his funk and we can have a good time. I hope the next time I post it will be with pictures from Vegas and what a wonderful time we had.